Talk Amongst Yourselves
Motherhood, the hardest job you’ll ever love. We’ve all heard that, right? Who ever knew that would be so true! You sure could not have convinced my 20 year old self of that! I was too concerned with going to fraternity parties to give motherhood and all the puzzles that would go along with it much thought.
I have a few parenting puzzles facing me right now. I am going to do my best impersonation of a favorite Saturday Night Live skit. Imagine that I am Mike Myers playing an old Jewish woman.
Welcome to Coffee Talk, I am your host Linda Richman. Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic, Motherhood the toughest job you’ll ever love, discuss!
OK, here are my parenting puzzles of the moment.
What is the right age to get a cell phone? Does your child have one? When did they get it? Details please!
At what age did you begin leaving your children home alone without a sitter? There isn’t a state law regarding this in Texas.
Do you allow your children to walk to/from school? If so, how far is the walk? Does it make you nervous?
When did you start letting your children sit in the front seat of the car? Was it based on weight? Or height? Or both?
As you can tell most of my parenting puzzles have to do with freedom and independence. As my children are getting older these are the puzzles I am dealing with. When they were little it was, When should I take away the pacifier? Should I let them cry themselves to sleep? Now, they want some independence! Mommy, not so much! This is a very timely topic with Independence Day coming this weekend!
So, answer my questions, share your knowledge and wisdom! What has worked for you?
Hi there Leslie
Mobile phone – my son got his when he was 15, as a reward for great exam results. He was one of the last in his cohort to get one; I have no regrets that we waited that long though. When he did get the phone it was me that texted him the most – it was wonderful to be able to let him know I was outside waiting to pick him up for appointments etc!
As an only child, we didn’t have to worry about sibling issues when we started leaving him ‘home alone’. In NZ the legal situation is a bit blurry, but 14 is apparently the age at which one child can be ‘in charge’ of others, and 12 is OK to be ‘home alone’. We started off at 12 leaving him for short periods of time, generally with a specific task to accomplish while we were gone (so he didn’t spend the entire 2 hours playing on the PC). My friend Kerry came up with a good scheme when her daughters (one aged 14, the other
were left alone – they BOTH had to give the other a good report, and they BOTH got paid (although the older one got more for ‘being in charge’.
Walking to school – in our quiet suburb the school bus stopped outside the gate, and so he got on that most days. When he learned to ride a bike he rode to school in fine weather (from about age 10) – as we were near the bottom of a hill, with the school at the top, the part I worried about was how fast he got on the ride home – and when he got a bike computer he proudly announced he’d broken the speed limit (50km per hour) one day – I found it very hard not to freak out at that! The trip took about 20 minutes to walk uphill, and about 15 to walk home again (steep hill!).
In the front seat of the car – oooh, can’t quite remember. I know I was one of the last mothers to relinquish the booster seat. Edward was a slight child and didn’t make the suggested weight/height for regular seat belt until he was nearly 8. I stuck to my guns over this and am pleased that our NZ Road Safety Council has endorsed my actions and suggested that all parents ignore their kids’ pleas of “but no-one else has to use a booster seat” until their child is actually big enough.
Hope this is useful – I’m enjoying your blog and the whole ‘lazy mom’ concept (suits me)!
Cell phones ~ Our 3 kids all have cell phones. The oldest got hers at age 16 (I think). She’s 19 now. Middle one got his at 13. Youngest at 11 but only had it for a short time b/c he jumped into a lake with it in his pocket!
After several months we replaced it. The phones for the 2 youngest (both boys) were for OUR convenience and primarily for safety issues. The boys like to walk to our neighborhood park and I want them to have a phone at all times when they are away from the house.
Bus riding ~ does not apply to our situation.
I waited longer for the “at home alone” situation. When the oldest was about 13 or 14 we let her watch the boys but only for 1 – 2 hours and with our next door neighbor being “on call.”
Now we let the boys (15, 12) stay home alone for 2 – 3 hrs but call to check in on them. Also we have great neighbors who watch out for them if needed.
Melanie@Bella~Mella
Walking to school– I let my daughter walk to and from school as long as she is walking with a friend. But I do watch the time on in the afternoon, we don’t live far from school, and I’ve told her to always walk the same route so I know where to look for her if it takes too long or if I need to pick her up unexpectedly.
Front seat–this is one we’re dealing with right now. My daughter is 9 and very tall. I occasionally let her ride in the front seat. My car has a air bar “monitor” on the passenger seat based on weight that clicks on and off depending who is sitting there.
Cell phone– I’m debating getting my 9 year old one of those cell phones that only dials 3 numbers,(home,mom cell, & 911) then she could take it with her when she goes on bike rides with friends in case of emergency. But I wouldn’t let her carry it all the time.
That’s all I ‘ve got.
Jennifer
Leslie,
I’m dealing with most of these issues right now too!
We don’t have to deal with walking or biking to school.
We got our kids their first cell phone when they went to middle school. So Jack has had his for 2 years and Adde will get hers this August. They make my life easier–Jack had many band performances and he would call when the bus arrived at school at 10:00 at night so we could run over and get him rather than waiting in the parking lot for an eternity. They seem to have more times away from home without us at this age and it’s made me feel more comfortable being able to reach him anytime. Jack now has unltd. texting but does not overuse or abuse it. Adde might be a different story!
I am probably a little unusual in leaving the kids home alone. I started with each one when I felt they were ready. For Jack that was 9, for Adde 10. Amelia (7) is allowed to stay with one or both of them for short periods and although I’ve worried about bickering, etc. we’ve had no problems so far. Of course I always call and check on them. You cannot imagine the joy it gave EVERYONE when they didn’t always have to be dragged to the others’ after school activities. Leaving Jack at home to do homework while we went to dance class, leaving Adde at home while we went to guitar lessons–it’s a huge relief!
I just started letting Jack sit in the front seat during the last month. He will be 13 in September. But I do hang on to the booster seats for longer than my kids’ friends have to! Amelia still sits in a backless booster and I will keep her in it til age 8, just like I did the other 2.
Allison
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