In honor of the first day of school we have our friend Patti guest posting for us. Patti Ford is a wife, mother, painter, organizing maniac and writer of nonsense. She is a fan of quiet time, wine and more wine. On Monday, August 24th, if you listen closely you may hear her screaming for joy. This doesn’t make her a bad person.
Are you a yahoo mom or a boo-hoo mom? My friend Lisa told me that her daughter’s school uses those terms. They say that at back-to-school time, every mom is either a yahoo mom or a boo-hoo mom. It’s no secret that I fall into the yahoo category. That very first day of pre-school I was a definite boo-hoo-er, but those days are long gone. Nowadays I am a jump up and down, heel clicking, high-fiving, cartwheeling mom. I do however know many moms who are of the boo-hoo variety, and I have to admit something: I cannot relate to you. You are as foreign to me as one of those naked tribal women from New Guinea with the long bracelet giraffe necks and giant coasters in their lips. At this time of the year, I am hungry for the structure of school for my son and the free time for me. Does the fact that I want to go to the grocery store alone and get a break from the constant Pokemon chatter make me a bad mom?
Summer is hot. Summer is long. Summer is hot and long. Sure, the first month or so is great, but by July we’ve seen it all, done it all, and my ears have heard it all. By August, I am drinking a bit too much wine, and I am desperate for some time alone. When you can’t even go to the bathroom without getting barged in on or getting a note slipped under the door, you know it’s time for a break.
My friend Jennifer and I were recently talking about the desire to go on a Mom Vacation. She is a yahoo mom like me, and we are both in desperate need of a mommy break. When we found that all of our trip ideas were too expensive, we came up with a solution: Women’s Prison. Not the kind you see on Cinemax After Dark, where you get shanked in the shower or become someone’s “special girl”. We are talking about The Martha Stewart kind of prison. The one where you get to watch TV, read, take arts and crafts classes, play board games and socialize. It would be like one long slumber party. Women only. Sure your kids can visit, but you will be separated by glass. A few added benefits to this whole prison idea are the fact that you don’t need to worry about makeup, and you get to wear those roomy jumpsuits. Casserole night in the big house? Go crazy! You want extra dessert? Go for it! Those jumpsuits have room to grow! After that vacation, I mean, unfortunate incarceration, we’d both be revitalized and as good as new. My willingness to go to prison for a kid break, should let you know just how much of a yahoo mom I really am.
Maybe yahoo and boo-hoo are hereditary. I am fairly sure that my mom was a yahoo-er as well. What makes me think so? Hmmmm…..maybe it’s the fact that from the first day of summer until the last, we were pushed out the front door immediately after breakfast and not allowed back in until dinner. On extremely hot days when my sister and I were starting to hallucinate, getting nearer and nearer to severe heat stroke or death, we would try to quietly sneak back into the house. Unfortunately, my mom had the same bionic ear as my idol Jaime Sommers, so we never made it past the screen door, even after using half a can of Crisco on the hinges. We also slept in a tent in the backyard quite a bit in the summer. At the time I thought my mom was being cool, but now I realize that she had simply found a way to keep us out of the house at night as well.
As kids, of course, we all loved the summer and hated school. As a matter of fact, the first time I skipped school I was only in the 6th grade. I told my parents goodbye and went to the bus stop, then dove into a bush when I saw the bus coming. My friend and I made our way back to my house by diving into a series of shrubs, rolling and crawling around like elite navy seals on a top secret mission. We snuck into my basement and hid there all day, surviving off of a freezer full of popsicles. We repeated the entire sequence in reverse at 3 o’clock, and then walked in through the front door proclaiming our exhaustion after a long day at school. That was the beginning of a long string of school skipping that only increased in excitement and creativity, and would last until high school graduation.
So, my son dreads his return to school and I crave it. Is that so wrong? There must be more of my kind out there. If everyone else is a boo-hoo mom, then my faith in womankind will be shaken to its core. I know that some of you are probably secret yahoo moms, but due to the fear of being branded a “bad mom” you are pretending to be a boo-hoo-er. I say drop the charade and be proud of your yahoo status. Next week let’s party like it’s 1999! And next summer, about mid-July, when we are all fed up with the noise and the word for word re-enactments of every iCarly episode ever made, let’s get together and commit a crime. Maybe a drunk and disorderly group situation is all we need to get a vacation in the Martha Stewart “Hotel”. I’ll supply the wine, and my fair share of the “disorderly”. Bring a friend…the more the merrier. Yahoo Mom’s unite!
So Lazy Moms, are you a Yahoo mom or a Boo-Hoo mom? LML and LMA are both Yahoo moms. Without a doubt Yahoo moms! In fact, as I write this, in my head I am picking out the color of polish I want on my toes tomorrow! On Tuesday we have lunch plans. The days of freedom are stretching out before us! Of course, come May we will be ready for school to end and summer to begin. But for now…YAHOO!
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